Twisted Nursery Rhymes

 Jack Spratt

Jack Spratt was one cool cat –
Played guitar in a cowboy hat
His wife was surly, vicious and mean
So off he ran, with a beauty queen.

 

  ——–o——o—–o——o———-

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Should have been a touch more wary
She thought it was fun, to taunt and jeer
Was decked one night with a bottle of beer.

                 ———o———-o———–o———–

 

      Little Red Riding Hood

 Red Riding Hood, got lost in the wood
‘Cos she ate a piece of funny pud
Her head was spinning, she’d lost all sense
And ran slap into a paling fence.

This one also falls into the
‘Famous last words’ department

     ——–o———-o——-

Little Bo Peep

Little Bo Peep, married a creep
She should have stuck to rearing sheep
She learnt to regret this bad decision
‘Cos all she heard, was endless derision.

——-o——o—–o——-

See Saw Marjorie Daw

See-Saw Marjorie Daw
Drank too much and fell on the floor
She thought she was cool, but then she crashed
No one respects a girl who gets smashed.

—–o——-o——o—-

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Jack gave Jill a little pink pill
Jill began to rant and rave
And both fell into an early grave.

——o———o——

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Got bored with her tuffet
She plucked it, and fluffed it –
Then said, “Bugger, I’ve stuffed it”.

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